i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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