I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
