Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
