I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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