You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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