i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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