You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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