so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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