All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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