i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
