I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize