I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
