my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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