I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
