i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
