Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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