Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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