I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
