She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
