'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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