dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
