I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
