____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Two words: blizzard sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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