where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nicole vs. Life
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
