Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize