But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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