Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
