I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
