The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All the doctor said was why
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
