I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
