I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
