I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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