I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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