I like my sex mixed with concussions.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
