sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
