how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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