I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
