What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You can't motorboat a personality
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize