oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
