he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
