Sponge bath it is.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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