At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize