I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
