He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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