We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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