This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
