brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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