I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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