i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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