All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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