grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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