well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I deserve this hangover.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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