you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Semen is not good for contacts.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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