It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
