im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
