through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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