I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
