sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
