Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize