That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
