im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
