it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
