I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
