I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
