Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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